Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 18
File Size
251 KB
Link
Thumb
Embed

Stats

Views
29
Favourites
1 (who?)
Comments
3
Downloads
1
×
The Sneaker Princess - Ch 13 by Aio-chan The Sneaker Princess - Ch 13 by Aio-chan

It appears you don't have PDF support in this web browser. Download PDF

Final installment will be up when I finish the primary editing. Possibly within a few hours. 

:iconlanton: - Aritst/one to blame for all this. XD <3
:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

So much emotion in this chapter!

Stuff: (Why are there nearly always exactly 3 things? O_o LOL)

1. "I just know it'd make the Creator unhappy if I painted the walkway if ya." If ya??? This doesn't make sense to me. 

2. There are looots of semicolons in this chapter, but unfortunately most of them should be commas instead. (I know I mentioned this before, but just a reminder.) 

3. "Instead something warm filled her lower body; something burning even a form without flesh to sear." I really don't understand the 2nd part of this sentence. 

I can't believe the story is nearly over. I shall read the epilogue soon. I hope it has a happy ending. :3

Reply
:iconaio-chan:
Aio-chan Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
XD It does seem to come in a trio quite often.

Made just one change, from the first point. It was supposed to be 'painted the walkway with ya'.

Semicolons will have to be corrected later as that's a lot of sub-work I'm not quite wanting to tackle yet. X_X

As for #3, I may need to re-write that but maybe a quick explanation might work too. You have to remember that Alex's body isn't made out of flesh when in an Uncarnate state. If anything it's probably easier to think of it as 'ectoplasm', only with the consistency of Play'Doh and doesn't break no matter how much you stretch it. Thus, things like fire, ice, ect. that would normally damage human skin doesn't effect an Uncarnate body; because there are no nerves or skin cells to destroy. Making it odd that something could be burning her, even though her form/body has no flesh which can be seared.

As for the ending...I shall have to keep my mouth shut. XD Just be sure to read the description under the file when you're done with it.
Reply
:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I pretty much understood what was happening in the scene, it was the odd wording of it that threw me off.  "burning even a form without flesh to sear" Maybe it is correct, idk, but I just can't grasp this particular arrangement of words. XD Is it something like, "burning that seared even a form without flesh"? :3

Will do! ^_^
Reply
Add a Comment: