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August 3, 2012
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Purgatory Sweets: CH-1 by Aio-chan Purgatory Sweets: CH-1 by Aio-chan

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So...yeah; took long enough didn't it? XD Welcome to the first chapter of Purgatory Sweets - We Three Kings: The Book of Balthazar (and you though the last one was a mouthful).

Right; well to be honest I debated about posting this. I'm not sure I have the pacing down right or enough story hooks. So I was going to post it alongside Chapter 2 later in order to try and offer a bit more insight into what the hell is going on in this crazy tale.

But if you've read The Book of Melchior; then you might have a fair idea already. ^_~

As usual; read, enjoy, feel free to nitpick and critique it to bits. XD That's what it's here for. <3

And trust me...it's about to get a lot weirder from here on out. ^_~
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:iconxhiao-yuu:
Xhiao-Yuu Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi! :D This is Gummi from Roli c: Your writing style is just SO AMAZING >W<
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:iconaio-chan:
Aio-chan Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012
*squees and hugs* <33 >//<
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:iconxhiao-yuu:
Xhiao-Yuu Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
>W<
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:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is sooooo awesome. As usual. :D

(But just wondering; is this sentence missing a word??? "...and only then after trying to put it out any drop of free water..." Also, "grey" is the British form of "gray". Unless you did it on purpose. Then it's all good. :3 )
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:iconaio-chan:
Aio-chan Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
I wouldn't be surprised there's a missing word. XP This was basically a Frankenstine patch job. I took the second draft (which is basically 'second try, first draft), directly cropped it into the third draft where I didn't need to re-write anything entirely. I know; I just prefer 'grey'. XD I'm stubborn about that one.

.///. Thank you though. Nothing stood out as too silly or anything? Nothing too rushed? I'd kinda debated about the glue-trap but I needed a reason to keep Lilly from rushing in and getting caught already. XD In the first chapter she was a bit more cowardly but I wanted her to be more assertive and bold. :3 So she needed something to keep her out of the group lynching. XD
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:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw well anyways it's really good; and any tiny mistakes aren't what matters anyway of course. LOL ah ok... I honestly prefer English over American too. XD And I will have to read it again more carefully, but so far it seems great the way it is. :3
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:iconaio-chan:
Aio-chan Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
Okays. ^.^ Take your time; no rush on the feedback. <3
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:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok, other than the fact that I think "flawless" was supposed to say "flawlessly", and the (possibly unsubstitutable) word "prosthetic" which feels slightly overused perhaps, it is totally perfect. :D You are amazing. I wish I could write like you. (Sorry I took forever to re-read it... still dealing with emotional drama here and there.)
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:iconaio-chan:
Aio-chan Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012
XD I am prone to word overuse at times. I'm pretty sure it is because I couldn't really think of a substitute word at the time. XP I'll go back and find something suitable later. It wasn't that long at all. *hugs* If you need to rant about what's going to or just feel like talking about it send me a note kay~? <3
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:iconhylianspy:
HylianSpy Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Hugs back* Okies, thanks :heart:
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